By: Theophilus Izobofolo
CHILD MISBEHAVING AND JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – REFLECTIVE PARENTING: how to train a child – parent reflection
1. Children with a lying tongue: If your children lies to you often, it is because you over react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.
Solution: Teach them the benefit of doing the right things and pensively follow up on them for correction; the rode and harsh approach should be the last resort. Children develop a mental and bodily defence when you harshly and over punish them, they will begin to build principles of lying and body toughness.
2. Children with lack of confidence: If your children are not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you have lost them
Solution: be a ‘play-peer’ and always give your child attention. Make out time for personal or family meeting with them. Give them tools to solve their problems. Let the be mutual contribution while assisting them to solve the challenges and gradually they will begin to build their self-confidence.
3. Children with poor self-esteem: If your children exhibit poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.
Solution: advice is moral. Encouragement is motivational, passionate and unveil the secrete benefit for not giving up. Children need encouragement to build their self-esteem.
4. Children with timidity: If your children don’t stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.
Solution: children learn by observation, pictures and during play time. When you train a child without love and the rode only, the child stand the chances of developing autism or inferiority complex. The autistic children will grow up to be a terror and may end up with perverted destiny. The children with complex problems always feel intimidated, myopic and want to be under the mercy of others. As a parent, create a balance; teach, train, encourage and discipline your child when appropriate.
5. Children with stealing Habit: If your children takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want at times.
Solution: yes, it is true that some children who steal even when they have abundance and are given the choice merriment to choose what they want, are possessed with kleptomania spirit. But experience has thought me that children who are given the opportunity to make their choices at times, start cultivating the believe that they can get what they want if they inform there parents, hence, they will not want to steal.
6. Children with cowardly behavior: If your children behaves cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly – you provide timely solutions.
Solution: when children are given 100% solution it makes them relax and not creative or enduring. Give them 100% attention but 30% to 80% solution (depending on the age and environment of the child), and let them figure out the remaining. Train them to be creative and innovative, so that when they grow up they can become ground strategist.
7. Children with disobedient attitude: If your children does not respect you or other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to them, you order and command them.
Solution: Cultivate a strong relationship and interactive section with your children. Practice moral polices before with them. The Bible or Quran is a good moral books for children.
8. Children with anger problem: If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give little attention to good behaviour.
Solution: just as you harshly or politely rebuke them, also commend them when they obey and do the right thing. Give them prices for good moral behaviours, academic excellence and spiritual performance, to make them change completely, but make sure they don’t abuse such privilege.
9. Children with excessively jealous problem: If your children is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something, even if they don’t successfully complete it.
Solution: not all children are jealous, but if you are a vigilant parent and you notice this behavior in your child; don’t fall to the trap of over pampering the child, but report this to the school teacher to watch and always encourage, and teach her how to be the best he or she dose. You as the parent, always compliment the child for every good or bad thing and don’t compare the child with other children. Make the child know that the failures in life are incubation stage of success – jealousy is a limitation.
10. Children with no love or attention: If your children intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not
physically affectionate enough.
Solution: children suffering from lack of love or attention from parent, always seek solace among peers and eventually cause you trouble. Physically this children meet and spend time more with their teachers and peers in school than you the parents who ate working class or into business. Create time to give attention to your children now when they are still bendable, for a time shall come when you must have made all the money and ready to give them attention, but it may be too late.
11. Children with defiant problem: If your children are openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.
Solution: foolishness abound in children, that is why the Bible said; if you spare the rode, you spoil the child. But it is more trouble if you threaten to discipline a child and don’t implement it, because the child will believes if he dose it again, he will go Scott free. More of this mindset will make the child more stubborn and a defiant.
12: Children with secretive problem: If your children are secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.
Solution: managing children emotions can be very difficult. Win your child’s trust by deliberately telling him or her some things and tell them is a secret between you (although, it may actually not be a deep secret…apply the principle of formlessness), if they reciprocate the gesture, don’t spill the beams to other children, if you must tell your partner make sure her or she don’t use it against the child – admonish indirectly and don’t be caught.
13. Children with untamed tongue: If your children talks back to you or to people sarcastically, it is because they watch you do it to your partner and others, and think it’s a normal behaviour.
Solution: as I earlier said; children learn by observation, picture and playfully. Don’t ever scold, beat or react to your partner (wife or husband) or people harshly in the presence of your child. Play maturity and persevere during anger. Show good examples to your child – practice what you preach.
14. Children with no regard for parent: If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.
Solution: Don’t be quick to judge your child, take time to deliberate the possible outcomes of your proposed actions. If you judge your child wrongly for doing a thing at first, and later discovered the child was innocent, you will lost his or her trust on you.
15. Children with rebellion spirit: If your children rebels, it is because
they know you care more about
what others think than what is
Solution: don’t see your children from the eyes of the public, believe in them, trust them and spiritually train and manage them.
Folks! It is not every thing we should be taking to God for solution, we are in most cases the solution we seek…God gave us brains so we can give him rest. Most of us parents only need a change of life style and reformed in the mind to be a good parent – not prayers. Parenthood is not an adventure but a profession from marriage institution.
CHILD MISBEHAVING AND JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – REFLECTIVE PARENTING