…because you have allowed the society to put you under extreme pressure…
Pressure to go to varsity. Pressure to get a job after leaving varsity. Pressure to get married. Pressure to stay married. Pressure to have children after getting married.
Pressure to drive the latest car. Pressure to live in a mansion. Pressure to travel overseas for holidays.
Pressure to show off your marriage as heaven on earth. Pressure to send your children to the best schools. Pressure to be an angel to your in-laws and not be yourself. Pressure to go to gym and look fit like others.
Pressure to dress well. Pressure to eat African food with cutlery. Pressure to date the hottest girl or guy in the neighborhood. Pressure to belong and be accepted. Pressure to be sexy and not cheat.
Pressure to act civil in the face of provocation. Pressure to use the latest gadgets. pressure to post your location on facebook. Pressure to be seen as a perfect person. Pressure to please everyone but yourself.
Pressure to smile in an abusive marriage. Pressure not to leave an abusive relationship lest you be called a divorcee. Pressure not to drop out of a university course lest you be called a failure. Pressure to fake happiness lest society thinks you have the worst life.
Pressure to be religious. Pressure to talk down on grace lest you be seen as weak. Pressure to read my posts and not share because your pastor warned you to stay away from me.
So much pressure on one person. This is why you are exhausted. This is why you are burnt out. away from me.
You can’t be everything to everyone. Be one thing. Be you.
PARENTS PLEASE TRY TO STUDY AND MONITOR THE ACTIONS OF YOUR CHILDREN!
Four underage girls, whose ages range between 10 and 13, were among the 13 suspected cultists arrested by the police in Ogun State early this week. According to reports, other male members of the suspected group were in their early teens, and their leader slightly older. He is 19 years of age.
All the suspects were, at time of their arrests, residents of Mosunmore Village near Kobape in Abeokuta, the state capital.
Stunned by the worrisome development, the Baale of the community was said to have alerted the police, sequel to the alarm raised by one of the suspected girl’s mother.
True to the allegation, detectives attached to Owode-Egba Police Divisional Headquarters, led by the Divisional Police Officer (DPO), Shehu Alao, swung into action and succeeded in smoking them out of their camp during initiation of another set of girls.
Speaking on the ugly incident, the state Police Commissioner, CP Ahmed Iliyasu, disclosed to Crimepuzzle that on Monday, August 28, 2017, at about 6:30 pm, a woman raised alarm to the Baale of Mosunmore Village near Kobape, here in Abeokuta, to the effect that her daughter went out late a day previous.
“Apparently disturbed by the said outing, the woman pestered her daughter who later confessed that she was initiated into a cult group, a development the woman found difficult to conceal to herself and alerted the community head who, in turn called in my men.
“Consequently, officers of Owode-Egba Division stormed the area and successfully apprehended the 13 youngsters in the process of initiating yet another set of under-aged girls”, CP Iliyasu said.
The girls, all primary six school leavers, confessed to being lured into the group by the boys.
Leader of the group known as “Penalty Guys”, 19-year-old Tunde Adio, narrated to Crimepuzzle how he was initiated by one Tosin, and also a resident of the community in January, 2017, adding that they came about their own group’s name during the last Easter celebration when his third-in-command, 13-year-old Adewale Raphael’s church was organizing a picnic.
According to Adio, “we decided to do customized vests, with the the inscription “Penalty Guys”. This was what attracted the girls and agreed to be initiated”. Adio’s second-in-command, Silas Sunday, 15, was also arrested during the police raid.
Meanwhile, CP Iliyasu has ordered that the suspects be transferred to the Anti-Kidnapping and Cultism Unit of the State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence Department (SCIID) for further investigation and prosecution of the suspects.
These are some tips about child psychology and behavioral management to all parents, grandparents and teachers. Here are some unbelievably simple parenting ideas that work.
1. TOUCHES: Children need a minimum of eight touches daily to feel connected to a parent. If they’re going through a particularly challenging time, it’s a minimum of 12 a day. This doesn’t have to be a big deal; it could be the straightening of a collar, a pat on the shoulder or a simple hug.
2. EYE CONTACT: Each day, children need one meaningful ‘eye-to-eye’ conversation with a parent. It is especially important for babies to have that eye contact, but children of all ages need us to slow down and look them in the eyes.
3. BEST TIME OF IMPACT: There are nine minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child; The first three minutes right after they wake up, the three minutes after they come home from school and the last three minutes before they go to bed.
We need to make those moments special and help our children feel loved. These are simple, right? Nothing really earth-shattering here.
Try these tips to manage and train your child;
A. Whenever u feel like scolding or beating your child, take a deep breath, or count 1-10 and then act. (think about the consequences before action).
B. Let’s ask them to study their favorite subject on their own. (don’t dictate for them, but guide them through their desire)
C. Send them to write exam when they refuse to study. (don’t help them to pass, teach them to succeed).
D. Remember what our kids are learning in basic 5 is taught to basic 7 pupils abroad. (don’t blame or burnish them when they fail…let it be a lesson). Also don’t encourage galloping education for them, because there peers are ahead of them).
E. Lets keep our kids out of unwanted competition (don’t encourage galloping education for them, because their peers are ahead of them).
F. Higher degrees don’t only guaranty success and happiness for children (show them love, care and give the some level of choice).
G. Kids are always in a party mood, don’t spoil their childhood. Support and let them be what they want to be.
Let us change the way we train, care and manage the wellbeing of our kids.
CHILD MISBEHAVING AND JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – REFLECTIVE PARENTING: how to train a child – parent reflection
1. Children with a lying tongue: If your children lies to you often, it is because you over react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.
Solution: Teach them the benefit of doing the right things and pensively follow up on them for correction; the rode and harsh approach should be the last resort. Children develop a mental and bodily defence when you harshly and over punish them, they will begin to build principles of lying and body toughness.
2. Children with lack of confidence: If your children are not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you have lost them
Solution: be a ‘play-peer’ and always give your child attention. Make out time for personal or family meeting with them. Give them tools to solve their problems. Let the be mutual contribution while assisting them to solve the challenges and gradually they will begin to build their self-confidence.
3. Children with poor self-esteem: If your children exhibit poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.
Solution: advice is moral. Encouragement is motivational, passionate and unveil the secrete benefit for not giving up. Children need encouragement to build their self-esteem.
4. Children with timidity: If your children don’t stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.
Solution: children learn by observation, pictures and during play time. When you train a child without love and the rode only, the child stand the chances of developing autism or inferiority complex. The autistic children will grow up to be a terror and may end up with perverted destiny. The children with complex problems always feel intimidated, myopic and want to be under the mercy of others. As a parent, create a balance; teach, train, encourage and discipline your child when appropriate.
5. Children with stealing Habit: If your children takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want at times.
Solution: yes, it is true that some children who steal even when they have abundance and are given the choice merriment to choose what they want, are possessed with kleptomania spirit. But experience has thought me that children who are given the opportunity to make their choices at times, start cultivating the believe that they can get what they want if they inform there parents, hence, they will not want to steal.
6. Children with cowardly behavior: If your children behaves cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly – you provide timely solutions.
Solution: when children are given 100% solution it makes them relax and not creative or enduring. Give them 100% attention but 30% to 80% solution (depending on the age and environment of the child), and let them figure out the remaining. Train them to be creative and innovative, so that when they grow up they can become ground strategist.
7. Children with disobedient attitude: If your children does not respect you or other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to them, you order and command them.
Solution: Cultivate a strong relationship and interactive section with your children. Practice moral polices before with them. The Bible or Quran is a good moral books for children.
8. Children with anger problem: If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give little attention to good behaviour.
Solution: just as you harshly or politely rebuke them, also commend them when they obey and do the right thing. Give them prices for good moral behaviours, academic excellence and spiritual performance, to make them change completely, but make sure they don’t abuse such privilege.
9. Children with excessively jealous problem: If your children is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something, even if they don’t successfully complete it.
Solution: not all children are jealous, but if you are a vigilant parent and you notice this behavior in your child; don’t fall to the trap of over pampering the child, but report this to the school teacher to watch and always encourage, and teach her how to be the best he or she dose. You as the parent, always compliment the child for every good or bad thing and don’t compare the child with other children. Make the child know that the failures in life are incubation stage of success – jealousy is a limitation.
10. Children with no love or attention: If your children intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not
physically affectionate enough.
Solution: children suffering from lack of love or attention from parent, always seek solace among peers and eventually cause you trouble. Physically this children meet and spend time more with their teachers and peers in school than you the parents who ate working class or into business. Create time to give attention to your children now when they are still bendable, for a time shall come when you must have made all the money and ready to give them attention, but it may be too late.
11. Children with defiant problem: If your children are openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.
Solution: foolishness abound in children, that is why the Bible said; if you spare the rode, you spoil the child. But it is more trouble if you threaten to discipline a child and don’t implement it, because the child will believes if he dose it again, he will go Scott free. More of this mindset will make the child more stubborn and a defiant.
12: Children with secretive problem: If your children are secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.
Solution: managing children emotions can be very difficult. Win your child’s trust by deliberately telling him or her some things and tell them is a secret between you (although, it may actually not be a deep secret…apply the principle of formlessness), if they reciprocate the gesture, don’t spill the beams to other children, if you must tell your partner make sure her or she don’t use it against the child – admonish indirectly and don’t be caught.
13. Children with untamed tongue: If your children talks back to you or to people sarcastically, it is because they watch you do it to your partner and others, and think it’s a normal behaviour.
Solution: as I earlier said; children learn by observation, picture and playfully. Don’t ever scold, beat or react to your partner (wife or husband) or people harshly in the presence of your child. Play maturity and persevere during anger. Show good examples to your child – practice what you preach.
14. Children with no regard for parent: If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.
Solution: Don’t be quick to judge your child, take time to deliberate the possible outcomes of your proposed actions. If you judge your child wrongly for doing a thing at first, and later discovered the child was innocent, you will lost his or her trust on you.
15. Children with rebellion spirit: If your children rebels, it is because
they know you care more about
what others think than what is
Solution: don’t see your children from the eyes of the public, believe in them, trust them and spiritually train and manage them.
Folks! It is not every thing we should be taking to God for solution, we are in most cases the solution we seek…God gave us brains so we can give him rest. Most of us parents only need a change of life style and reformed in the mind to be a good parent – not prayers. Parenthood is not an adventure but a profession from marriage institution.
CHILD MISBEHAVING AND JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – REFLECTIVE PARENTING